I have posted a lot about my current random happenings in my life and I have many so will post about them in time. But thought for today’s post I would go back 19 years and tell you the story of how I met my husband and how our partnership started and flourished!
As you know my name is Mishti and I have a very large extended family especially on my mum’s side. My parents are from Bangladesh, my dad, Akash has been in the UK since the mid 60s whilst my mum, Rehon has been here since I was born, about 40 years!
When we were small visits to Bangledesh were a regular affair as my Grandma was alive and so were my Nan and Grandad. After my Grandma (dad’s mum) passed away our visits became less regular and also I was doing GCSEs so couldn’t miss school and also I started working at Sainsbury’s so couldn’t get too much time off and didn’t really want to.
The reason for not wanting to was not to do with going to Bangledesh, the long flight or the hot weather it was for a completely other reason!
As I may have mentioned before my mum is one of 11 and I am the oldest cousin on her side. So everything that I was doing had not been done by any immediate family member before!
My marriage was an arranged one as are most marriages in our culture and religion but saying that 2 out of my 5 uncles have not had arranged marriages and this is also for only 1 auntie out of 6-these types of marriages are referred to as ‘love’ marriages.
So how arranged marriages work is….well in our family this is the way they work….
When a daughter or son is of marriage age the word is put out to family and friends with the type of partner the parents/child are looking for. The timing of this can vary on parents and whether the child is studying or working.
In my day (showing my age by using this phrase!)….
**Girls would get married at 19-21 years old
**Boys would get married at 25-28 years old
Whereas nowadays the age has moved forward to…
**Girls 25-30 years old
**Boys 30-35 years old
So when I was in my 3rd year at Uni the word was put out and I knew this as auntie’s would make odd comments when they saw me!?
When we went to Bangladesh over the summer between my 2nd year and final year I knew it was going to be an interesting trip!? Especially as I hadn’t been for about 4 years!
We spent the summer holidays in Bangladesh, so we were there about 8-6 weeks.
The first month or so was fun, catching up with family, days out lots of nice food and generally a chilled out holiday…
About the 5th week, my mum comes and speaks to me, being more serious than usual..I kind of knew what it was about but acted all innocent as I do in most situations!?
She said ‘as you know we have been looking for a propestive partner for you, me ur dad and grandad (mum’s dad) and we have found someone..’
Then she went on to say..’we’ve met the family and met the groom. The family is very nice, they are 3 brothers and mum. No dad, he passed away a couple of years ago. Dad was a District Judge and so they have travelled all over Bangledesh. The groom is studying law and doing his postgraduate course now. ‘
I was just listening, feeling a bit overwhelmed and sick in my stomach!
Lastly she said ‘The family is great, the younger brothers are studying and they live in Sylhet town, only thing left is for you to meet with the mum and groom…’
I wasn’t sure what to say so I said ‘ whatever you and dad think is right is fine me, let me know when we are having the meeting..’
In my head I was worried and thoughts were spinning round and round…!
Mum was happy and then left with my grandma and auntie to chill out and chat! I was quiet for ages and just in a daze!
***to be continued***